Hey everyone I wanted to make this blog to show you what I luv to do as far as crafting and and also other amaizing things I do with my family I also might start posting show notes of the YouTube podcast that I make for my knitting adventures and all the good things that comes within that I also have to say that I am enjoying this community a whole lot I never thought there were so many wonderful people out here I have to say thank you to those that subscribe to my channel and for those who are just checking my channel subscribe hit like is free and lets join each other in this amaizing community I can’t wait to share all these fun things I will be making or getting into.
so i dont know if i told ya that i suffer from post traumatic deppression disorders and their have been many things that has trigger me these past few months because certain things from the past i try to ignore but when these feelings and emotions and trauma comes back is crazy i feel like i am suffocating i feel closed in i feel like everyone hates me because of what i went through but none the less i try to workout and knit to keep me bizzy and with my twins i tend to be okay but i have notice i tend to close myself in then their is the world people hurting others just cause is so scary to like go places and enjoy life because too much is happening i have to say i barely go outside if my mom or my son or hubby or appointments is the only way i go outside i miss when i useto go outside to the mall calm and i would be okay but now a days is scary you cant even go to the park without their being a shoot out is crazy and all of this has closed me in do you guys feel this way im glad my kids keep me bizzy because that and my depression is a killer i just wanted to come on here and let ya know where ive been sometimes i just smile in the outside but inside i am drowning but what can we do if you talk to a sichiatrist they asume your not fit parent or you gonna harm yourself why they cant just listen and help medication help but they also mess with your health like it is hard the world we live in
You know how we always say because of this i am like this but the truth is our choices that has gotten us here maybe we should make better choices if you see that what you have been doing hasnt gotten you anywhere change things up we might be with mister right now or miss right now but those the person your with want more those that person your with wanting the same thing or is that person lazy and contend with what they have and want nothing else the question is what you want and what your gonna do to make it happened because if the person your with has a million excuses as to why this or that then maybe you need to one let him or her go or try to talk it out and make a better living for the both of you life is not easy but you have to make sacrifices to get to your dreams and make them happened because noone will and you will stay stuck and thats not kool so is not the kids or your sicknesses is your choices that stops you from getting what you want yes kids might slow down the process for you but not impossible make it happened stop depending on your spouse or men or women to help you there maybe you need to make it happened
Have you ever wonder why some kids tend to stay away from their parents well let me tell you a story as a young woman i have struggle with the love of my mom and though i tried to be such a loving daughter and i was always their but not for one moment i matter to her i am now 39 years old and i wonder why do i keep putting myself through why must i continue to try to be a part of her life if i am only needed when need be or for something i have to admit my kids suffered a lot the disapointment of having a grandma that only cares about other kids and other sibblings more then her own i have tried numerous time for my kids to be around her and to have a better life and to love their grandma but time and time again is pointless though i love my mom more then anything i am never the one she loves more nor her grandkids is sad when she states that she will stay with the girls the weekend and so hubby and i thought we would have a brake is when she tends to mess everything up interesting why am i surprised when it comes to me and my kids is like we bother her but let another family member ask of her to please babysit she runs like always but for me it has never that way it hurts me deeply to always feel as if i dont matter but maybe i should stop questioning myself and maybe stop caring but how those one ignore their mother as a child i was never loved or cared for yes i had a rough i had clothes and things but i never had a mom i am no saint at all but i have change my ways for my kids to give them a better life and i have to say i am a great mom even though others might think different truth is i am happy but inside i am destroy many times i stay away from her because i know who she really is and i know you cant change noone but why do i have to always feel left out or neglected i have a set of twin girls who have special needs and she has not been a part of our life as much and life has been hard to deal with the changes that comes with kids with certain needs and i am a strong women i am loyal but i do not wish to be noones fool ever again i am tired of being nice and treated like shit i have three kids my son is going to the navy he turns twenty this year a d i have to say i have done an amazing job raising him and my girls are 11 with special needs but yet intelligent and bright if i say so myself but yet i have been strong and though at times i have cried and pull my hair because their are challenges that comes with that but i hold my grounds it is 11:25 pm and for her to say she will stay with the girls for the weekend she actually called me to pick up the girls at this time it is super late and i dont have the girls outside so late but for a grandma that wanted to spend the weekend with her grandkids to call me to picked them up at this time says a lot about being grandma the disappointment is bigger then words can explain if i am wrong to think or feel this way because i feel like i am drowning so comment down below
here i have a young mom who has been through a lot in her previous relationship and who has three beautiful kids and is now currently in a relationship that is toxic this is a true story but i wont put names or personal information here but as i was saying this beautiful women has three kids and lives in a nice house with a beautiful backyard even it is rented she lives very well the kids love where they live and they have motorcycle and durt bikes and a tranpoling and a park that she herself bought for her kids even the house was beautiful and very spacious there were times when her family stood over and their were room for everyone at her rented home everyone enjoy going to her house because cookouts and time spend with the family was so much fun at her house then she had this brakeup with her two kids father at the time and she then got with one of her friends she known for a long time mind you he is a nice guy with a temper but a really nice guy over all and he made us laugh and she is super happy then they started living together and so then things were great between them the kids were happy and so was she on top of the world while things were super nice and she figure okay i am gonna start a family with this guy she then form a family with the guy and then he moved in with her and her two kids at the time so after a while she was good until she wasnt anymore as i said the guy was fun and treated the family nice but then his babymother started the drama his ex has two kids from him two little kids at that but then his current girl then felt like his ex was trying to get in their way so she decide to have a baby from him to make his ex feel like she got him and that he will never leave her because she was carrying his baby anyways time past and the fights with his ex continues and she still thinks she got it like that mean while the landlord where she is living had told her that she had to live the house because they were selling the house so then she panic and of course started looking for a place to live then she found a apartment where she was living not even long when she got kicked out and their was an altication with her boyfriend and the landlord and some type of fight happened but as all this is going on her kids were happy with their school one child started going to a school he loved and started playing basketball and he was exited and the other child was living his best life but then everything got glumy then the second child started to feel as if he didnt get along with her men anymore and started arguing with her men and with her because like the child said why is he talking to his mom like this and of course back to the landlord so she got kicked out and then she had to do community service because of being desrespectful with the owners then a little after that her men got arrested she was in the streets she ended up in her moms house and is currently looking for a place to live and her men did come out of jail and is currently living in his sisters house until they find a place to live or income tax come in to move the kids were devistated she knows the relationship is toxic but she loves this kid or maybe she dont want to look stupid to her family the way i see it is she should do what is best for her and the kids and continue her life truth is she always had her things and was on top of her bills and then some but now she smokes weed and she completlty lost her grove as i always we can give her good advice but at the end of the day it is completlty up to her what she does with her life but sometimes we as women should not take crap from men or vice versa and do whats right for the kids and is not worth the hasle to live depressed and or guessing are we gonna be okay because although we might not see it the kids suffer a lot and some dont look for their parents when they get older to not deal with the problems is time to grow and be strong and let go for the best future for the kids what do you think she should do?
so i switch the furniture in the room again but this time i am super happy with it this time i have a section for my knitting and a desk for it and another section with another desk for my planner things and nother desk for sewing and my billy bookcases filled with my yarn and i have abook shelve on my yarn desk with my knitting books and my reading books my nail things are put away in a acrylic drawer with all the things i need to do my nails then i have a couple of shelves in the walls where i have board games in and other yarn related things and more shelves by the planner desk i have to think what i will be putting upthere but i am over so happy with the new layout i will be taking pictures and posting it soon here but if you follow my youtube channel you will see it in the video and ii will say where i got what things and more what you did you did today i been working in this yarn room for three days now and its finally done so happy and exited
here is the kaos in my craft room before i fixed it with my hubby the layout didnt work for me at all
here you have a women who has mood swings and a bit of a hard personality to be with but a women that is loyal and gives the world to the men she desides to let in her world so here goes she had left a previous relationship that was toxic and a 11 years relationship and thought the world ended for her she never this person would do what she did to her and she thought he was everything to her after so many years in the relationship she then gets engage any who it did not work out she started drinking and just felt like their was something wrong with her she thought she was awful or just didnt look good she also thought that her skin condition psoriasis was the cause of their breakup or what ever she then had a friend who ment everything to her who she confy everything she was feeling and she felt so comfortable speaking to her best friend who she had a relationship as brothers but then he to was hurt by his babymother and she left him for someone else so we was both broken but i was destroyed shattered and confuse and as the drinks got worst in her life her friend came through and they cry together and shed all the details of their mischieves but then one day she and the friend kinda mix things together the truth is she was not ready for a new relationship and things kinda move so fast and she didnt want to have a tittle or didnt want noone to know what was going on because she was still hurt because of her previous relationship it was hard for her but as time past her friend proove that he was so into her in a menly way and she was not ready for everyone to know yet so they drank together and she then got comfortable with him but still didnt want no tittle then they started working in catering for the jewish people and everything was so cute the laugh the smiles the hugs on the low and all the weird emotions that came with it then he got jelouse because people at the job were trying to get with her or ask her out and he just blur it out oh we seeing each other i was shock because i wanted to be ready and then state the fact but anywho he slept in the living room and he would wait till her kids go to sleep and sneak in her room and yeah you know the rest but it was so cute the adrenalin of us seeing each other in the low and all the butterflies and everything it was so cute but you know their he goes telling people that we was together when in reality we wasnt but okay that happened later down the line my son found out and he was okay with it because this person been in my life for 23 years and we always spoke in facebook and on the phone as well so he thought it was cute but at the same time i was not ready for a full on relationship but he convince me so i gave in i still didnt want him sleeping in my room but he then work his way to the room and boom it was so cute the love the butterflies and all the night dinners i mean he treated her kids super nice and he is a family type of guy and he swore he would never hurt me and so i try to believe him and so time past and i have to say he makes me happy the kids love him and everything well it so happened that as a female we have this thing called six sence and thats something that never fails us so yeah for a couple of days something kept bothering me to check his phone and so i gave in and their it was a message from a girl and he replied i was so devastated and hurt because our friendship ment the world to me and i felt betrayed and i was like shock because remember i would never do what your ex did to you blah blah blah right okay my son convince me to forgive him and he swore he would never do it again and that was stupid of him anyways so i gave in a forgive him he block the person and sooner then later we was in a good state again for a while actually and i was so happy i mean i not the type to cheat because i wouldnt want the person to do it to me like is not withing me to those things but then a couple of weeks ago i was so confuse because as you guys notice i workout and i try to keep myself up to look good for me first my kids and of course for my men why not right but then he would forget to pick me up or he was just moving funny you know i try to ignore it because i know that when something starts bothering me their is something going on i also notice how he is on his phone constantly and he gets nervouse when he is sleeping next to me and i move their was this one time i just snatch his phone boy was he mad like give me my phone you gonna mess my game up so he says so i felt something was wrong so i started to not drink my sleeping pills for like three weeks to see where his mind is at i notice him taking a picture next to me but not of us or me just him and i said okay he is gonna send it to me but no that wasnt the case so i just breath and pretend i fell asleep and he continue sending the pic but i didnt get that picture so okay i then notice he would tell me he is outside when i was already inside the house and just this feeling that didnt leave me alone so then i just waited for him to go to sleep and i grab his phone like you dont understant i even got distracted in my phone but this voice in my head kept telling me stop getting distracted and start checking his phone mind you i have a iphone so i dont know how to mess with galaxy phones at all it was hard but then their it was him having numerouse conversations with seven girls and the things he was saying to these girls and the fact that in one of the messages he told a girl that he lived with his cuzzin and that his apartment was getting fix and he had conversations with them while he was next to me and the fact that i thought he wouldnt hurt me i felt like i got a million bricks thrown at me like you ruin our friendship and now our relationship is in jepordy like why and when i ask why i got the stupid answer of that was stupid of me i felt like you wasnt listening to me like really he even told three of the girls if he can be their men like really he even ask for pictures of them and they would send him pictures of their faces but he would ask for pictures of their full body and as i am reading this like im numb i cant even cry like i am just numb i never thought he would do this you know i even ask him a few before all this is their something i should know and he would tell me no babe their is nothing i need out there i have everything here at home your wonderful i am happy with you wao just imagine how i feel i didnt give my all to start in this relationship because of what i lived before and imagine if i would ve done so like thats crazy wao i still cant believe what he did we are trying to work through this but i dont know i am numb like he is such a sweet heart or so i thought he means the world to me but like i said he was talking to seven women so i dont know what to do but i need time i can asure you that this was a big hit it just dont hurt as much because i didnt give my 100 percent in it i dont know if you understand my mom was shock and the truth the same day i found out i show my mom the messages and she was shocked as well like you dont know she had him on a pedestal like i just dont know what to say but we are trying to work it out he also erase the messages and pictures i took of his chats and then some but when i let him know i show mamy the messages he got so mad he took my phone and deleted them all but by this time i didnt care because my mom already knew what he had done i never cheated then he tried to justify himself saying that my best friend sends me pictures and stuff but this is something he knew already i have no secrets if he ask something i will answer it like thats who i am what you think i should do?
This is what i wanted but thats not what i got